Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
