i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Randomize
