respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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