Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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