Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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