You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
