She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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