im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
