Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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