my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
