I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
