i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.