the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
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Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
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Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.