after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
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This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
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I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.