So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?