imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You need a sexual gate keeper
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.