Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong