Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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