He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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