thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
