So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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