I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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