I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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