a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
