if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
