Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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