i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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