just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
