Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
