my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
