i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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