It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
