I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
