Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I need to calm my uterus...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
