I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
