there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
