Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
