i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
