Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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