Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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