Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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