im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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