i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
