oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
