so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
