Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
