so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
