So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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