My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
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