If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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