Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
