Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
