last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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