Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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