(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
