2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
