it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
time to smoke my breakfast
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
