What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
