I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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