We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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