I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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