party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
