I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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