Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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