Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
