You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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