One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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