i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
