I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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