Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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