I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
