my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
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His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
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My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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