Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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