oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
