Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Randomize
