Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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