Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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