My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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