i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
