I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
