The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
it was like eating out sand paper
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
