I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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