we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
this boner is exhausting
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
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I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
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11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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